When I gave input to the designers for this website, I wanted a space for thinking. And writing. A career in the newspaper world meant that writing has been a part of my life for more than three decades. Writing was such a big part of who I am that I figured I had better make space for it here.
Then life got incredibly busy and I didn’t seem to have the time to write as often as I liked. But the long drives through the countryside, along the way to show properties to prospective buyers, gave me lots of time to reflect. And of course, meeting so many people and hearing their stories and their viewpoints on life, their priorities and learning about what brought them to today gripped my imagination.
This morning, when I sat at my keyboard, I realized I had not written here since August 2023 and could not believe it had been that long. Likewise, as homeowners decide to take the leap and downsize, relocate to a new community, or change their lifestyles, they tend to feel the threads to their past more acutely. And so it is that I often hear these words: ‘Has it been that long?’ Husbands and wives look at each other thoughtfully and I imagine the cascade of memories. I give them a moment. Buying a home, moving in, having children, a family growing together, first dates, graduations, proms, career changes and so many other life-changing family events all happen within the four walls of our homes, but also live in one’s consciousness. We sift through our memories and see how they make sense within the framework of everything else that we may think has happened to us. Our regrets live inside those decisions where our lives changed direction and we blame ourselves for misjudging the future. We escape self-blame by relegating life’s turns to circumstances or to others. Caregivers sacrifice their physical and mental health but feel they were doing the right thing at the right time. Career moves may be forced upon us. Losses and grieving can grip us and put our lives on hold or send us ricocheting in new directions that suddenly beckon relentlessly.
Looking back, the years seem short. I know I surprise myself every time I think about having lived in my house for 20 years. We get used to the quirks of our own homes and easily see past their shortcomings. It is only when we think of selling that we begin to look at everything that needs to get done and once again: time seems short. As people put their best efforts into making their homes beautiful in every way, they inevitably realize once again what they love about their home. I see their regret. They are caring for this refuge they call home right up to the last minute, until the day comes when the house is empty and the key is turned in the door for the last time.
The places we live hold the memories which belong to a particular chapter in our lives. When we move from one chapter to another, some of us are better than others at moving on. Some of us can close the door and leave without another thought for what was left behind. But some of us never really close a door for good. We sneak back in to look around and remember. We re-think decisions and wonder if we did the right thing. Should we have acted or waited? Should we have stayed? Or left sooner?
No matter how much we think about choices, we can only make one choice at a time
When I gave input to the designers for this website, I wanted a space for thinking. And writing. A career in the newspaper world meant that writing has been a part of my life for more than three decades. Writing was such a big part of who I am that I figured I had better make space for it here.
Then life got incredibly busy and I didn’t seem to have the time to write as often as I liked. But the long drives through the countryside, along the way to show properties to prospective buyers, gave me lots of time to reflect. And of course, meeting so many people and hearing their stories and their viewpoints on life, their priorities and learning about what brought them to today gripped my imagination.
This morning, when I sat at my keyboard, I realized I had not written here since August 2023 and could not believe it had been that long. Likewise, as homeowners decide to take the leap and downsize, relocate to a new community, or change their lifestyles, they tend to feel the threads to their past more acutely. And so it is that I often hear these words: ‘Has it been that long?’ Husbands and wives look at each other thoughtfully and I imagine the cascade of memories. I give them a moment. Buying a home, moving in, having children, a family growing together, first dates, graduations, proms, career changes and so many other life-changing family events all happen within the four walls of our homes, but also live in one’s consciousness. We sift through our memories and see how they make sense within the framework of everything else that we may think has happened to us. Our regrets live inside those decisions where our lives changed direction and we blame ourselves for misjudging the future. We escape self-blame by relegating life’s turns to circumstances or to others. Caregivers sacrifice their physical and mental health but feel they were doing the right thing at the right time. Career moves may be forced upon us. Losses and grieving can grip us and put our lives on hold or send us ricocheting in new directions that suddenly beckon relentlessly.
Looking back, the years seem short. I know I surprise myself every time I think about having lived in my house for 20 years. We get used to the quirks of our own homes and easily see past their shortcomings. It is only when we think of selling that we begin to look at everything that needs to get done and once again: time seems short. As people put their best efforts into making their homes beautiful in every way, they inevitably realize once again what they love about their home. I see their regret. They are caring for this refuge they call home right up to the last minute, until the day comes when the house is empty and the key is turned in the door for the last time.
The places we live can hold the memories which belong to a particular chapter in our lives. When we move from one chapter to another, some of us are better than others at moving on. Some of us can close the door and leave without another thought for what was left behind. Some of us never really close a door for good. We sneak back in to look around and remember. We re-think decisions and wonder if we did the right thing. Should we have acted or waited? Should we have stayed? Or left sooner?
We can only make one choice at a time and see how it goes. We cannot choose two paths for the future to see which one works out for us. The happiest people I meet are those who make decisions a little more lightly than those who agonize over choices. The happiest people seem able to tell stories of their modest ‘fails’ and laugh at their youthful inexperience and what they learned. The happiest people do not dwell in the past but instead, are always looking forward to something fearlessly.
There is something to be learned from each of of the people I meet, while we are immersed together for a short time during one or more of life’s transitions. It could be downsizing, the realization that aging means they cannot keep up with the needs of a large property, family illness, moving closer to aging relatives, or an escape-driven move to get out of the city and raise chickens.
Whether you are moving or not, seize every opportunity to evaluate your own priorities. What do you live for? What makes your day? Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years? More often than not, clarity about the things that really matter to you is close by, lurking in a quiet sunrise, a moonlit walk, or the scent of lilacs along a country road.
And the best part is: clarity can strike in an instant. It doesn’t take long at all.
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